Why it’s important to teach your toddlers about consent

The first time that we are generally introduced to the concept of consent is in year 7 or 8 PDHPE class. We are told that you need to ask before you have sex but to proceed with caution because sex will end up in pregnancy and STI’s anyway so it’s best to just abstain to be on the safe side. It is a far cry from the nappies and the terrible twos when the conversation and practice of consent should already be well underway.

Consent with toddlers isn’t about how to practise safe sex nor allowing them to not shower for a week because they say they don’t want to. It is about teaching our kids that their words matter and that they are in charge about what happens to their body. It’s about empowering them to trust their belly voice (their instincts) and about questioning what they are told to do (yes, this is a good thing!). It also means that listening to your child not wanting to sit on Santa’s lap, is more important than the annual Christmas photo and your child saying no to giving Granny a cuddle is more important than Granny’s comfort.

Seizing the opportunity to start these conversations early means that it lays a beautiful foundation to keep building upon – the same as we would a concept such as trust or sharing. It means that they are learning their consent values from you rather than a TV show, pornography or their friends as they get older.

You can be teaching your little ones about consent before they can even speak through what you and your family unit are modelling. Effective consent and effective communication is a two way street – reminding your little ones that they need to check in with you as well before they climb all over you and just circling back to Granny for a moment; just how they don’t always feel like a kiss or cuddle, Granny might not either and that is completely okay and normal. 

The topic of consent is not a one and done conversation in a single class each year at high school. It is something that needs to start earlier and start in the home. Sexual assaults in amongst themselves is a huge public health crisis but that doesn’t even begin to include all of the consent breaches and mistakes that come before that. This conversation spans so much farther and wider than the very bare minimum of “no means no” – and this is a whole other conversation that is still to come.

Kids don’t know how to practise what they don’t see. The little things that you do that you might not even notice can create a huge impact.